In The Midst Of All My Questions.

I've been caught up in a season of questions.

This past year has been a whirlwind, and I've felt like I have more questions than I have answers. If you know me, you'd probably know how frustrating this has been.

(I have questions and I want answers! Is that too much to ask?)

I have questions about God, about life, about my calling and future, about the way the world works, about the Church, about history, about Scripture, about stories, about sin.  

In all these questions, God has been teaching me to trust Him and to let Him choose to give me answers on His time instead of mine. In my search for the answers, I had taken my eyes off Jesus. I've wanted these answers so desperately that I'd forgotten Christ in the equation. 

I don't think my search for answers is a lonely one. I think we, at least as Christ followers, crave to be right. We crave having the answers to all of life's questions. We divide things into black and white and we avoid the gray. But I think we can get so caught up in our desire to know everything that we lose focus of the Savior; we trade our humble walk with God for a storehouse of answers as if the answers could be the things that save us. No amount of knowledge can save us. No rightness saves us. The fact that Jesus Christ vouches for us, the fact that He died for us and came to life for us – that is our saving grace. 

I think we've all been trading righteousness for rightness and I'm tired of the trade-off; that's not Jesus. That's not grace. That's not relationship. Righteousness is living a life fully submitted to Christ. Rightness can tempt us to seek answers before we seek Christ.

God has been teaching me to lean into His character in the midst of all my questions. He's been teaching me to be content in the gray spaces and wait on Him. He's been teaching me that loving others the way He loves us does not mean we have all the answers, but that we point to Jesus. We point to Jesus, and we let Him be the Savior. We let God be the omniscient one.

I've been caught up in a season of questions. As frustrated as I've been, I'm learning to seek Jesus more than I seek my answers. I'm learning to be okay in all the gray spaces, and to just love well with the truths I know to be true. I don't think I'm in a lonely boat. If you're feeling like you have more questions than answers, know that God won't leave you hanging. 

Jesus is worth more to me than having all of my answers. I thank God for His grace in the midst of all my questions.