He's Got Better Things In Mind.

"Sometimes, by celebrating the evangelical heroes of the faith, we have inadvertently communicated something false: if it's not big and audacious and officially sanctioned, it's not good enough for God."-Sarah Bessey, 'Jesus Feminist'

Ever since, like, junior year of high school, I've always wanted to be in missions of some sort. I wanted to be out on the front lines, telling people and showing people who Jesus is.  I wanted to be somewhere crazy, doing things that people write those books about. I wanted to be sold out for God, going against the norm and being somebody people could take one look at and see reckless compassion.

Coming home from Australia, I knew exactly what God wanted me to do; God wanted me to go to university in Seattle. But I didn't want to do that. That was so normal. I didn't want to do what God wanted me to; I wanted to jump back on a plane and work with my YWAM base.  I wanted to jump into secondary schools and work in missions, and live in some country that I'm a stranger to and be one of the crazies. I convinced myself that all of this was good. "This has to be God's plan for me, it feels like what I'm built for".  I was getting so wrapped up in the idea of being one of the crazies that it overshadowed my desire to obey God.

Over these past few months, I've been getting convicted, over and over and over again, of comparing God's plan for me to the plans He has for my friends and family all over the world. I'd keep asking Him, "God, I am sitting here, willing and ready to go leave normalcy behind and become a missionary, while there are others who are called to that life who don't even want it. Why won't you call me there?"   

And He replied to me (in my head/heart/whatnot, mind you):  Caroline, how does that help you grow? If I called you into spaces that don't require you to trust Me, how does that help our relationship?  Why don't you trust Me and the plans I have for you?

Ouch. God was asking me why I don't trust Him, and I had no answer. I thought I was trusting Him, but I was only trusting Him if the path He was leading me on looked the way I wanted it to. To be honest, that's not trust at all. 

I thought that I had to do more, be more, give more than what He's asking of me. I didn't feel like going to college was enough for Him, like He was just putting my life on the backburner for a while so He could focus elsewhere.  

I read a book, called 'Jesus Feminist' by Sarah Bessey, and I came across that quote at the top of this post. I realized how easily we place "heroes of the faith" on pedestals and compare our paths to theirs. Yes, they ought to inspire us to be obedient to the calling God has placed on each of our lives, but our callings are not the same. God is enthralled by each of us and delighted by us and excited about the plans He has for each and every one of us. Not all of us are called to third-world countries. Not all of us are called to a 9-5 job, either. 

I placed so many people on pedestals and admired the life they lived, and I was focused on imitating them rather than authenticity in Christ. I wanted to live those adventures instead of the ones Abba had planned for me and Him personally.  How much of an insult is that? I was stuck in this mindset of thinking God either didn't care or didn't know what He was doing, and I was bitter and making myself miserable because I thought the grass was greener for the other sheep in His flock. Thank the Lord for His boundless grace that showed me how screwed up my thought processes were.

If we all got caught up in comfort rather than walking out Jesus' Lordship, I really don't think much would get done for the Kingdom. We wouldn't grow past the boxes we place ourselves in. We wouldn't face the messes in our lives or walk out into stormy seas because we're too comfortable on the beach; we're settling for leftovers when God invites us to feast with Him. And God has such good plans for us. He's so excited about doing life with us. He loves us and cares for us.  Even if His plans sound a little crazy or a little weird, why wouldn't we go with Him? He's been doing His job for a long time. He knows what we need.

Now? Now I'm excited for school. I see friends doing missions stuff, I see people going off and doing crazy wonderful things for the Kingdom, and I'm so stoked for all of them, but I'm excited about how God is going to use me, too. Sure, it looks different than what I imagined, but that's not a new thing (and thank God that all my plans for my life did not happen).  For me, these are the waters He's asking me to step out onto, taking a step of faith and going into university while lacking the slightest idea of what the rest of my life is going to look like. But whether I end up in some other country or serving people in American city streets, I know He's got me, and wherever Love takes me will be pretty adventurous indeed.

This song is about the Lord's pursuit of us even when we'd rather walk our own path. He's relentless, hey. ("Song For You" - Jenny and Tyler) (I've been convicted by the lyrics of this song since I first heard it, and I thought that this was the perfect time to share.)